Sharing the lessons along the way…


Since there has been no doctor’s appointment to decrease my baclofen dose, I have opted not to do a catch up post.  Instead, I want to tell you about the fires of the week.  I want to share what has been happening in my mind in anticipation of Tuesday’s decrease.

I am not sure how often I say them aloud, but the phrases are constantly repeating in my mind.

“I’d better get this done before Tuesday in case I cannot drive…”

“I should do this now in case I cannot do this next week…”

“This might not be a problem now, but what if it becomes one and I cannot do anything about it after next week?”

This past week, I have felt like a firefighter.  I have flown down the pole, suited up and hopped on the truck to put out whatever fires may or may not exist.  Really, I was more like a firefighter who was all suited up, riding around in a big truck looking for the arsonist who had not yet lit his match.

Every little thing became a potential bigger thing.  For one relatively important example, my dog More’ had some accidents where he slept, several nights in a row.  If Tuesday didn’t include being a total of 25% less baclofen, I would have increased his pain medications and watched to see if there was improvement.

But oh no.  Tuesday is Tuesday and I had better figure out exactly what is wrong with him before then, so I have to figure out how to get him into the SUV I am borrowing to get him to the vet.  I couldn’t quite figure that one out, so I followed him around the yard to catch a urine sample to take into the veterinarian in the meantime.

My mind wouldn’t allow inaction on the issue.baby strawberry

My mind wouldn’t allow inaction on any issue, in fact.  I couldn’t possibly buy more toilet paper (although a friend brought me some), but I do have at least two of most of my other toiletries now.  I even picked up an “as seen on TV” purchase.

I couldn’t imagine why I was feeling so tired each day this week.  I couldn’t focus on what I needed to be focusing on (work, for example) and found myself behind.  My place was incredibly neat and tidy, but I felt behind and like everything else was more urgent.  It was urgent that I put out the potential fires.

Yesterday, I found my focus.  I completed work tasks, tried like the dickens to be present, did a test dog walk in the new power wheel chair for photos the potential book cover designer needs, watched grass change colors of green in the rain, and watched a baby strawberry grow.

There is no fire will be my mantra for the week…

There really is no fire.

(But just in case, I will drown it in toothpaste or smother it with cotton balls and toilet paper.)

Comments on: "Fires, Strawberries and Cotton Balls" (2)

  1. Holly Smith said:

    Keep going girl. And remember, every firefighter also has “brothers and sisters” who have your back.

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