Sharing the lessons along the way…


Conflict, Confrontation and the Crow?

 This is a time in my life when I am evaluating and re-evaluating what I have created in my world and the people with whom I more often share my time and energies.  It has not been too difficult at this point to discern what areas need fine-tuning and what areas do not.  Discerning and making the changes necessary to follow through are completely different, however!

 I have realized over the past year or so that I have difficulty dealing with bullies.  Bullies tend to find their way into my life because I try hard to operate in an accepting, loving and compassionate way with others, and before I realize that there is manipulation and control, these people are a significant part of my world.  For 2010, my hope is to spot this more quickly so that I do not have to deal with the potential conflict that occurs when I decide to limit my interaction and energies spent with these folks.

 When I realized I had this problem of allowing bullies in too close to my inner circle, mid 2009, I did my best to deal with these people in a way that allowed me to feel good about each way I attempted to re-establish my personal boundaries.  What I realized was that no matter what I did with this certain personality type, the manipulation cards were still being drawn and played and I was expending a great deal of energy toward no effective resolution.  An effective resolution in my mind was still to have them as a part of my life, but with more clear boundaries.  Perhaps I was just a bit too naïve in my hopes because I came to understand that no matter how clear I am, if someone else isn’t hearing me, it doesn’t matter!  Boy did I struggle with that!

 It was summer of 2009 when the crow first appeared and it probably wasn’t until fall that I truly understood his message to me.  It was fall when apparently crow thought I got it because I didn’t see him for a while until the past couple of weeks.  Back then, I figured out the first bully situation, which led me to realize a couple of others by winter.  As the year was about to end, I began to become more clear and observant and realized a couple of more folks in my world fell into the same sort of category (these were more subtle for sure).  The full extent of what I think is the last one close enough to matter just became evident in the past couple of weeks.

 The message of the crow is to allow your integrity to be your guide and to walk the walk and talk the talk.  Crow reminds us to be mindful of our opinions and actions and the impact they have on others.  Crow is also big on transforming old beliefs into new ones and alerts us that changes in our lives may need to be viewed with different perspectives for growth to occur.  Confrontation and conflict are certainly not my favorite things, but I am not sure that I do anyone any favors staying silent about how their behavior may affect me.  At the same time, I am certain that I am responsible for how others affect me and how much I allow that to influence my life overall.  That is the dance really.  I would like to believe that there could be confrontation without conflict in these matters. 

 Perhaps Crow is telling me that the better I am able to discern when to do or say something in situations such as these, the less likely conflict will occur.  I do tend to think that if something is not ok, then I am responsible for trying to rectify or fix it.  I have learned lately that sometimes NOT doing something is the best course of action.  When necessary, I believe I can speak my truth with integrity and operate from a grounded, detached space.  Perhaps this final one will provide me with the lesson that has been missing in all of this or open my eyes to a whole new perspective of dealing with the bully.  Time will surely unfold the magnitude of the lessons in this area!

For more information about the crow, this is a pretty cool link!  http://www.birdclan.org/crow.html

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