The crow remains ever present and in fact seems to be a bit more present in recent days. I did some more research to see if there was something I was missing and took some opportunities to step back to look at situations and relationships in my life right now to also see what I was missing. I really believe that crow has a message and that perhaps it is a different one from the one he started delivering last year, but perhaps it is a related one.
Crow came around at the onset of what was a huge mistake of an attempt at a relationship and did not stop coming around until this person went a bit crazy and began to trash my name all over town when I ended it shortly after it began. I should reframe the mistake part because actually this was the catalyst that created the awareness of my difficulty dealing with bully personalities and energy suckers. Lately, when the crows made their presence known, I was again beginning to embark on a relationship. Everything this guy said was a hook for me and if he really was everything he said and shared, then this could be an opportunity that I decided was not to be passed up.
For two months now, I have been in observation mode. I tend to want to see people in various environments before I make any conclusions about whether or not their behaviors match their words. What I realized last night is that words have so much power and energy that sometimes things can manifest just as a result of them. I knew this before, but my level of understanding seemed to finally click with energy vibrations and words last night. There have been things said that have not resonated with me, behaviors observed that did not resonate with the very same words that did actually resonate with me. Whatever my vibrational energy is, some talk seems to resonate and other talk nearly creates a visceral reaction for me because it does not. I guess I have never realized this in terms of words or phrases before, but for whatever reason this became clear. I don’t see him talking his talk at this time.
Today, the crows were present, but certainly were not as noisy about it as they have been in the last week in particular. I think I get it. It is not just a message to be aware of what I say and walking my own walk, talking my own talk. It is about having enough discernment to know who around me and newbies are walking their walk and talking their talk as well. If you recall, I began writing this blog during a re-evaluative phase of my life. I had realized that I miss signs and flags for particular types of people and they end up in my world creating drama and conflict that is unnecessary. So began my quest at being more connected, more clear and more of an actively participating observer.
I have certainly made note of lots of things with lots of people, but I have also just remained passive about the majority of these notations. I am really the only one who needs to notice what I notice. What I notice seems to be quite a bit of incongruence between what people say and what people do. That is common and many people are trying to move in the direction of their words, while many are not. I do not really judge that, but am aware and do not want to be one of those people, so I try very hard to behave in ways that are consistent with my truth and the words that I speak.
I have cautiously pursued this relationship in a way that is significantly different from any other approach I have used in this life so far. I feel that I have been able to let go of old beliefs about relationships and expectations for other humans and have a pretty good understanding of myself and what will work for me in a relationship. I have been clear with my boundaries and quite outspoken and straightforward about my motivations in this life. I have truly been interested in knowing more about this soul. I saw something in his essence that made an instant connection with this guy. I also saw in that same image a sense of hopelessness and helplessness. I focused on what I saw in the soul and hoped that spark was going to be enough for him to make the changes in his current situations that he proclaimed he needed to make. I still think that it can be, but sadly what I see now is more of an obsessive focus on having a girlfriend and little action being taken toward those things he so often proclaims to be his truth.
It is what it is and he is where he is, as much as I am where I am. These things just are. I am not sure that they work for me in a relationship scenario, but perhaps more time will tell? It is my hope that this was crow’s message! It is my hope that the same discernment I use for monitoring my own integrity, can continue to be sharpened to be more effective for me interpersonally. I am sure I need more practice and I feel certain that the universe will provide it!