The good news is that it is temporary. The bad news is that temporary is a very ill defined concept. We could say everything is temporary, couldn’t we? It implies some time limit, but gives nothing by way of specifics.
While I have the luxury of knowing my current situation is temporary, I continue to wake up each day not being sure of how it is going to go. Which of the basic things will be a struggle because of the not quite managed symptoms and what new issues do I get to contend with because of the side effects of the dose increases?
I go to bed with a hopeful optimism that tomorrow has to be better than today, but lately that has not quite been the case. In the past several weeks, there have been more bad days than good days. The good days in between them seems to keep me sane.
Every two weeks, for the past six, I have this hopeful expectation that perhaps this increase will be the one that allows my life to look a bit more normal.
So far, each time, there have been some improvements, but not enough to bring normal functioning. I continue to adjust my expectations, but also continue to hold out hope just the same.
What I have been experiencing is nothing new to me, with the exception of the pump. Before the pump, this was my normal. I never knew how I would feel when I woke up or what I would be able to take care of with regard to my basic needs (shower, eating, etc.).
Still, I would go to bed each night feeling certain that the next day would be an improvement on the last. Sometimes it was and sometimes it was not. Some days, I could just flow with it and some days, I only felt defeated.
I think most individuals experience these sorts of things, regardless of having an illness or not. No one can really wake up with certainty about the day ahead. Most people have good days and bad days. My experience is not that much different from anyone else.
My situation may differ in the level of control I have over how my days go, however. I cannot control the symptoms or the side effects of the medications. I cannot control how often I get a dosage increase, either. Apparently, I cannot control what temporary really means for this situation.
I can control some things, as any of us can. I can choose to control the amount of energy I expend on social interaction, visitors, outings, etc. because I do not have an unlimited supply of energy right now.
My focus is on meeting basic needs, so I have to be mindful of where my energy goes. Being able to shower and schedule someone to walk my dogs may just be my accomplishment for the day.
I can also control how I choose to think and feel about whatever symptoms or functioning happens to be impaired on any given day. We all have control over how we choose to think, feel, and react to any situation.
The truth is that in most situations, we can even control how temporary something is just by choosing to change our thoughts, feelings, and reactions to them.