Sharing the lessons along the way…

I believe that what happens next is truly a result of what I choose to do in each moment of each day.  With that in mind, I want to share my latest lesson about the critical role I believe balance plays in the power of now.

Being present and being able to be in the moment with a conscious awareness is a skill that many strive to develop.  I have worked very hard at it, and do a fair job most of the time being here and now. 

This serves me well in most areas of my life, most of the time.  I can remember conversations, embrace the experiences of the moment and can be happy under just about any circumstance.  This makes me hopeful and optimistic as well. 

This mindfulness gets me through just about everything, including unexpected crises and health issues.  Is being in the present moment enough to change what happens next?  I am beginning to think perhaps there is a bit more to the power of now to consider.

Recently, I shared that I was not shocked about the symptoms of my illness returning, but that I was surprised.  In retrospect, I think that it was unanticipated either way and do not think I was able to fully grasp the reality of the situation. 

I was present and very aware of what was happening, but my hopeful, optimistic view made it hard to take any other actions.  Each pump dose increase, I was hopeful that something would change as it relates to my symptoms and functioning, so that I would be able to move forward from that. 

After the third increase, it was clear that we were moving too slowly for anything significant to change any time soon.  Even at that point, I made a choice about not planning ways around my limitations very far ahead. 

This is not that much different from those who do nothing and say, “I will be happy when this happens or that happens.”  I was waiting for something else to make me more functional, when honestly, there are many ways to be more functional in the meantime, but each of them requires me to do something to create it.

After the fourth increase, I realized that I could be as hopeful as I wanted to be, but if I really wanted to work with the limitations that were my reality, I needed to get my butt in gear and do something else toward that end. 

It did occur to me that being present and hopeful needed with it a dose of action.  I consider changing my perspective an action in and of itself, but this situation (and most) required more action steps and planning. 

To me balancing the power of now is being fully present enough to accept my current reality while being able to take mindful action to create what happens next.  I was coping well with the “temporary” but believe I was not in a place to take any action past that. 

While I was clinging to the hope for the next dose increase, I forgot something very important helped me when the illness first started.  Waiting for something to be different cannot be something or someone else’s responsibility.  It has to be mine. 

I fully had to accept that this was the present reality and that it would be for an indeterminate amount of time, before I could take the necessary action.  Balancing hope, optimism, with mindful action has been my newest lesson for May 2011.



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