Most of my life I have wondered what it was going to take to break my spirit. What was my last straw? Do I have one?
It would appear that so far I do not have a last straw and that no matter what this life has in store for me, I cannot help myself but to find some kernel of gratitude.
My last blog was about pain and finding relief from that for even just a few hours. I had no idea it could get worse from there, but it did. And when I thought it couldn’t get worse from there, it did.
The pain I was experiencing was being caused by the new pump placement. It was sitting on some very unhappy nerves that wrap around my side, creating an electrical burning sensation that nothing seemed to relieve.
It felt like someone hooked me up to electricity and then poured hot acid from my spine to where the pump sat in my belly. It hurt to breathe and therefore hurt to talk in that last month or more.
After finally getting into my neurologist and then changing doctors that deal with intrathecal baclofen pumps, I started to believe that an end was in sight.
The new doctor moved the pump from that very unhappy side to the other side seven weeks ago and the relief was almost immediate.
The secondary issues from six months of medications, being unable to do anything, and three surgeries in such a short time remain, but seem to be very slowly improving as well.
I joked that if the recovery from this fourth surgery within a year didn’t break me after all of this, then probably nothing would.
Those kernels of gratitude I mentioned were pretty important in the overall picture of getting through this year so far.
Intractable pain doesn’t suit me and I was not a joy to be around, especially the last month before this last surgery.
I have some friends who showed up to help and never stopped helping or sending texts with thoughtful messages. It helped to know I was in your thoughts even when I couldn’t talk or visit.
This was an awfully long time to be the needy friend and these folks hung right in there. They expected nothing, yet they provided me a much needed lifeline to the outside world by sharing what was going on in their world.
They provided me with emotional support even from afar and of course helped me with the dog walking, household tasks and grocery shopping.
I have wondered about this breaking point for decades, but have really never had and allowed this kind of unfaltering, unselfish support from a group of folks I am proud to call my friends.
With support like this through such a long and ridiculous turn of events, who could possibly break!