The past few months have been full of transitions. Because it isn’t often that each area of my life is so dramatically affected, it has caused me to pause.
Pausing, to me, is an opportunity to reflect, evaluate, re-evaluate, open and re-open some of my boxes, and to re-write and edit some of the short stories of my life.
I have taken advantage, am grateful for this opportunity, and have been sharing part of it with you along the way.
As promised the last time we were together, I want to share my process for looking inside of those older boxes.
These boxes have within them beliefs that are long-standing and crystallized into how we behave, perceive and operate in our lives.
These are the ones that operate under the surface and of which we are not very conscious or aware.
These are the boxes lurking beneath all of the others that we can truly believe we have already taken care of somewhere else in our growth process.
Ironically, these boxes become obstacles and saboteurs in our growth when we choose not to look at them when life’s circumstances prompt us to look. We literally view our lives from the inside of a box.
Photo credit: dreamscape.com
Let’s go ahead and use the example that I left you with last time because it illustrates nicely how this box analogy has evolved for me.The box I stumbled upon held this belief: Being vulnerable and needy is bad.
Early in the rapid onset of my PLS was not the first time I had been prompted to look at this box, nor was it the last.
The most recent time was in the past year with the four surgeries.
Because I was aware of the contents of this box and this particular belief, I thought I had taken note enough to act as if I was working on it.
It was a half-assed effort and the core idea still permeated everything I did in the name of “independence.”
What made the last year different from the previous times I was prompted to take out this box?
1. I consciously and deliberately went to the box.
2. I surrendered to the idea that my initial belief was wrong.
3. I acknowledged that the beliefs within this box were rooted in fear.
My prior universal prompts to this box were forced.
I had never simply gone there on purpose when it appeared it was necessary to do so.
I knew my belief was probably wrong before, but I had never surrendered to that truth.
Fairly recently, I realized that most all (if not all) of my long-standing beliefs are based in fear: fear of rejection, abandonment, failure, success, etc.
Fear seems to give us permission to hold tightly to just about anything. It makes us wrap the boxes back up and put them quickly back away.
My belief that being needy and vulnerable is bad was rooted in fear. How did I figure that out?
I asked myself a simple question: What did I have to lose by being needy or vulnerable?
Until I consciously surrendered, the answer most of my life was “everything!”
More specifically, my answers were related to how others would view me, how I would view me, and the loss of independence. But honestly, I was afraid of being hurt.
To me, being vulnerable and needing someone’s help meant that I was opening myself up for being disappointed, taken advantage of or hurt.
Each answer I could justify, but as you can perhaps see, the bottom line is fear.
The truth is, if we are in need and feeling vulnerable, we have little to lose by reaching out.
Photo credit: us.storage-mart.com/blog
We may still be needy and vulnerable if we reach out to inappropriate people, but we have not lost anything really.This process can be used for any of your boxes if you choose.
Fear has bubble-wrapped most all of my long-standing beliefs in each of my boxes so far.
Fear has also kept me from viewing boxes at all, which is why the universe kept providing me with more opportunities to look.These opportunities are choice points. We can heal wounds that generated the beliefs and continue to move forward.
Fear can actually help us in this process and the next time we are together, I want to share more about my cooperative efforts with fear over the past year.
Until then, keep your eyes and heart open for opportunities to at least begin to play around with the bubble-wrap!
The Tawny's Blog 
Comments on: "Having fun with bubble wrap!" (8)
You were so right – come back later and re-read it. and get completely different thoughts’.
This time i caught a glimpse of the man who won’t ask for directions.
Instead he finds himself driving in circles – spinning his wheels,
rather than admit that he might just be a little lost.
Personally, i tend to be cautious before i let my Pandora’s out.
what’s that song ? ” . . . my, my, my, – once bitten twice shy . . .”
However, i was pretty certain, my chinese duck was set free
from a box i haven’t unpacked for a very long time.
It’s our birthright to fly, and when we can’t – we will wobble about.
it’s in our spirit to swim, and when we can’t –
we will sail away in a baseball glove.
When we need the wind in our hair – we Will find a way !
LikeLike
We certainly will, Sue!
LikeLike
Don’t seem to be catching these in any particular order. But i have to say that your head was in a really good place when you gained this awareness. This is a point where many relationships fail, and in fact, we can actually loose the support of those who love us by pushing back or pulling away. Like you said these moments come and go – the trick is remembering what we’ve learned when they return. A+ for personal growth !
LikeLike
Thank you! I will take the A+! My Box Series led into my Fear Series and the insight I gained by doing them was priceless.
LikeLike
Remember ‘When Harry Met Sally’? Reading the last chapter of a book First – was proof of his dark side to Sally – but to Harry it was a sign of his depth. Personally, i prefer the chronological version. Neither dark nor deep, i have found that the ‘archive’s’ are dated. So i can now get the story the way (you) the director intended. Keep writing while i try to catch up because the suspense is in the “Now”.
LikeLike
Nice analogy! I don’t think I could stop writing now if I had to! I think you will enjoy the growth in writing as well as the personal growth as you read them in order. I go back and start at random time frames to read forward often.
LikeLike
I loved this post and a lot of it resonates with me. I have come to these same conclusions in the last couple of years also – about fear and about vulnerability. I think we are conditoned from birth to belive that vulnerability is a bad thing, to belive that life is all about appearing in control and being successful. The energy to maintan all of that is incredible, I’d rather channel it into being happy! And fear is such a powerful force. One can justify and rationalise just about any circumstance through fear.
LikeLike
Hi Judy,
Indeed we can and do rationalize so much with fear. I can even rationalize why it is ok to do so when given the opportunity. 😉 The truth is that while we may very well be strong and appear in control, everyone struggles and fear doesn’t really discriminate. I find that being transparent in my struggles, I maintain awareness of my own personal power and add to it. In doing so, I am also able to share that personal power. The more of us who let go of fear, the less fear will find itself in all of us! I am with you on being happy and enjoying this life instead of expending precious energy pretending to be! Thank you for reading and I hope you like what comes next as well. I certainly enjoy your perspective both here in the comments and in your blog.
LikeLike