“But you don’t look like you’re in pain…”

 

Several times lately, people have said to me, “When I see you, you don’t look or seem like you are having pain.”  I say, “Good!”  Sometimes I follow up to share how much energy I expend so that no one does.  That is my goal.

I leave the house as if I am well and I go out into the world to share smiles and to be a bright spot in as many lives as I can.

When I was thinking about this later, I stopped and said, “Wait!  What the heck is a person in pain supposed to look or seem like?”

Is there some socially appropriate way to convey it, look it, act it?  Is there a preconceived idea of what a person in pain must look like?

Am I doing it all wrong?

I don’t know any of the answers to these questions, although it would be interesting to do some research and to hear your ideas in the comments.

I am pretty sure if I am doing it all wrong that I am not interested in conforming to whatever might be the “right” idea of how a person in pain should look and seem.

Here is what I know about my pain:

1. I have it, blah blah blah.
2. I would rather not make you uncomfortable by wearing a neon T-shirt that broadcasts it.
3. I already know it makes you feel helpless to know it.
4. I experience it 24/7, so I don’t necessarily want to talk about it all the time.
5. It makes me happy to hear, “You don’t look or act like you are in pain” or, “Well, you look good” because that means I am pulling it off!

We’ve already established in previous blogs that my methods to manage my life with chronic pain aren’t always effective.  I can own that.  There is not a handbook, unfortunately, but I am sure there is no right or wrong way to “look” or “seem” when I am in pain.