For months now (more than a year, honestly), I have challenged my brain to come up with creative and less painful solutions to get my own stuff done.
I did not come up with the notion that I “should” be able to resume all of my activities for daily living by myself. I was told by my pump doctor on more than two occasions that all the things I listed off to him “should” be more than ok to do without hurting anything related to the pump.
Last week, again, I shared the increase in pain at the pump surgery sites. I described the pain the best I could again to him. Last time, he said, “You shouldn’t be having pain there…maybe it is scar tissue forming around the pump creating a pulling sensation for you.”
This time, he asked more about what I was doing when the pain happens, so I said laundry, vacuuming, blah, blah, blah. He said, “Well, you have to listen to that pain and stop doing things that make it hurt. Otherwise you can dislodge the pump.”
Well, good grief.
Make up your mind already. Intuitively, I already knew this, but was confused by the feedback I was getting from doctors. I can only hear “It is because you are thin…” or “You shouldn’t be having pain…” so many times before thinking I had somehow become less tolerant of pain than I once was.
I would have surrendered to help with my activities months ago. I was feeling like I was somehow inadequate that I couldn’t come up with ways (believe me, I have tried just about everything at this point) to get it done. According to the doctors, I was fine to go on about my business.
Oh brother. Ugh.
Not that I hadn’t already figured out I needed to stop doing quite a few things that were making my pain worse, but it was nice to finally have medical validation for doing it. Permission to surrender was granted, whether I needed it or not.
I have another deja vu experience with the doctor’s feedback that I will share in a future post. I have a sense that it is going to read much like a blog I wrote before the other pump was removed.