Don’t get me wrong, my body is still screaming for an opportunity to heal itself without this pump. I hear it loud and clear, and plan to honor it.
It’s my brain that is still trying to figure out how to make this pump work.
Each time my brain thinks it has a valid argument or solution, I take a deep breath or move my torso in a way that makes the pump hurt me. It jabs me back to the reality that led to the decision to begin with.
My brain has no argument or solution for the jabbing.
It appears that the only retort my brain can do in response to the pain is to remind me of a life waaaaaaay before the pump. I am pretty sure it’s taking me way back to irrelevant time periods when I had no treatment and no diagnosis.
When that retort is not effective, it points out all the things I won’t be able to do without the pump. My weekend in WV had quite a bit of evidence. This retort creates sadness.
As a result, my feet are cold. I am finding myself struggling to take the next steps toward removing the intrathecal baclofen pump. Anyone have spare feet warmers?