It was an ordinary morning. The dogs woke me as the sun was rising. I made coffee, checked my email, fed the dogs, and took them for a walk.
I showered, put on my big girl panties, and rehearsed what I was planning to say at my pump doctor appointment.
I was surprised I slept without waking up more often worrying about this particular appointment, as I usually do before most doctor appointments. I felt surprisingly well rested.
The closer it got to time to leave, the more anxious I got.
Was I really ok to reduce the baclofen dose in the pump today if it made sense to do so? That was the agreement I made with myself two weeks ago when I called, but would that be what I would do at the doctor’s office?
I made it out the door, down two streets then turned around to come back home. I decided I should at least grab my cane to put in the car just in case.
All the way there, I reminded myself that I had my big girl panties, and that would make me tougher than I felt.
The doctor told me it was going to take quite a while to reduce down the dose before surgically removing it. He will reduce 10% each week until it is basically at no daily intrathecal baclofen.
We discussed a few other things before he said, “I will go get them to reduce you today.”
I am certain I looked like a deer in the headlights as I wimpily muttered, “I am not sure I am prepared for that today because I drove myself.” He explained that it would likely take 24 hours before I would notice much of a difference, but it was ok if I wasn’t ready today.
Dammit, I thought to myself. But I have my big girl panties. I followed up quickly with, “Oh, well, if that is the case, then sure, let’s do it.” We bantered around between a 5% or 10% reduction and agreed that 5% would be best for today since I wasn’t quite prepared.
Seeing the power wheelchair in my kitchen that I will use to walk my dogs went from a “check” to more reality than I felt prepared for Friday.
Seeing the new front entrance ramp completed on Saturday was another dose of reality that I wasn’t sure what to do with.
It is only Tuesday.
So, I stopped on the way home from my first baclofen dose decrease to buy some toilet paper—two 18 packs to be exact. It is a challenge to take a picture of the toilet paper tower so far, but I have a ridiculous amount of toilet paper in my little bathroom.