Sharing the lessons along the way…


Last night, I had to choose to go to sleep like I usually do.  It is the first time in nearly a decade that I have gone to bed not knowing how my feet and legs would work when I awoke.  I entertained not going to sleep, but my Duke and I were looking forward to going to the Homeless Emergency Project (HEP) to work.

Five short weeks ago, I shared my decision.  Two short weeks ago, I started the ball rolling with phone calls to doctors.  The ball has rolled quickly since then.

At first, it was all about preparation.  The only thing I really had control over was to make sure I had assistive equipment for all possible outcomes (and tons of toilet paper).

There was no way to prepare myself emotionally, or at least no way I could come up with at the start.  I figured no matter what happened or how I initially would feel, I would figure out how to turn it into being ok somehow.  It seems to be what I do, regardless of my level of confidence in my ability to do so along the way.

Until I got the ball rolling, I didn’t consider all that would go into the journey of reducing the dose of baclofen in the pump before its removal.  Actually, I didn’t really know how we would reduce the dose until Tuesday and on Tuesday, we reduced the dose.

Now I know that each week will bring with it a new way of moving about in my world.  Each week, I will have a choice about how I manage and cope with the newness.  It has been barely 36 hours since I left the doctor’s office and I have had to make this choice at least 500 times.

I am choosing to do this with more grace, peace and mindfulness than I was able to when the illness first started creating mobility issues.

Toilet paper Español: Papel higiénico

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I am also choosing to reach out more.  I texted my way through the grocery store Tuesday evening because I was shopping like I would never, ever return to a grocery store again.

Of course, I know that isn’t true, but that was where I was while I was at the store.

I had someone on standby if I needed a ride home from the doctor and if Duke and I needed a ride to HEP.

Turns out, I needed neither, but it felt good to be able to have a back up plan.

The ball is moving quickly.

Despite how long it is actually going to take to finally get to where the pump is removed from my body, the ball is rolling, and I will be struggling to keep up with it.

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Comments on: "Tuesday and Ridiculously Fast Balls" (2)

  1. There is no way to diminish the struggle or battle ahead for control of the
    physical aspects.
    Emotionally, however, i think of the writings of James Thurber. He wrote
    often of this fellow, Walter Mitty. Walter’s life was not even close to what
    he wished it to be. So he ‘daydreamed’ even the simplest of tasks into
    tremendous adventures.
    I offer up one of my own for your entertainment – – –
    You Tawny, are suddenly confronted with a Tsunami – heading straight at you.
    Always on the ready, with plans A, B, and even C, but this one’s so huge that
    a new plan – plan ‘D’ – will be required. The rest of us simply turn to run,
    all the while knowing that we will be drowned. But not our Tawny !
    Instead she chooses to master the wave ! Waiting for the proper moment she
    whips out plan D, the surfboard that she keeps in/on the car – and with her trusty
    Labrador retrievers by her side – rides the wave all the way to ‘her chosen’
    destination, barely getting her feet wet. Surfer extraodinaire !

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