Since there has been no doctor’s appointment to decrease my baclofen dose, I have opted not to do a catch up post. Instead, I want to tell you about the fires of the week. I want to share what has been happening in my mind in anticipation of Tuesday’s decrease.
I am not sure how often I say them aloud, but the phrases are constantly repeating in my mind.
“I’d better get this done before Tuesday in case I cannot drive…”
“I should do this now in case I cannot do this next week…”
“This might not be a problem now, but what if it becomes one and I cannot do anything about it after next week?”
This past week, I have felt like a firefighter. I have flown down the pole, suited up and hopped on the truck to put out whatever fires may or may not exist. Really, I was more like a firefighter who was all suited up, riding around in a big truck looking for the arsonist who had not yet lit his match.
Every little thing became a potential bigger thing. For one relatively important example, my dog More’ had some accidents where he slept, several nights in a row. If Tuesday didn’t include being a total of 25% less baclofen, I would have increased his pain medications and watched to see if there was improvement.
But oh no. Tuesday is Tuesday and I had better figure out exactly what is wrong with him before then, so I have to figure out how to get him into the SUV I am borrowing to get him to the vet. I couldn’t quite figure that one out, so I followed him around the yard to catch a urine sample to take into the veterinarian in the meantime.
My mind wouldn’t allow inaction on any issue, in fact. I couldn’t possibly buy more toilet paper (although a friend brought me some), but I do have at least two of most of my other toiletries now. I even picked up an “as seen on TV” purchase.
I couldn’t imagine why I was feeling so tired each day this week. I couldn’t focus on what I needed to be focusing on (work, for example) and found myself behind. My place was incredibly neat and tidy, but I felt behind and like everything else was more urgent. It was urgent that I put out the potential fires.
Yesterday, I found my focus. I completed work tasks, tried like the dickens to be present, did a test dog walk in the new power wheel chair for photos the potential book cover designer needs, watched grass change colors of green in the rain, and watched a baby strawberry grow.
There is no fire will be my mantra for the week…
There really is no fire.
(But just in case, I will drown it in toothpaste or smother it with cotton balls and toilet paper.)