Sharing the lessons along the way…

IMG_0324Everything we see in our day-to-day life  is seen through the lens of the past.  In fact, our brain’s perceptual system is wired to interpret everything based on what we already know.

I teach this to my students, and each class, I am able to understand another level of my own thoughts, beliefs and behavior through our discussions of the topic.

I appreciate the irony that this has been the week we discuss this topic.  When we are present and aware, we can override our brain’s natural tendency to put things in past perspective.

I have shared some about my attempts to stay present as I wait to see what happens next with each baclofen dose decrease.

All I have to go on to attempt to anticipate or predict what is next, is the past, which quite frankly is only somewhat relevant.

What I know about the past without the pump has allowed me to prepare so that whatever level of mobility I avoid unnecessary injuries.  That is important and is the grounding I need to move forward.  That should be that.

But it hasn’t been.  I have continued to spin it around in my mind.  I have tried to remember each stage of the increase of the dose when this pump was implanted to have a better idea.  That isn’t grounding for me.  I am missing right now.

Monday, my neurologist summed it up nicely when we were talking about my pump doctor’s reluctance to continue the decreases.  “We cannot know what will happen until it happens,” he said.

When I relayed this to my pump doctor Tuesday, he laughed.



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