Hurry up! What is taking so long? I am ready to get this over with, so that I can move forward from there!
I started to think about these sorts of statements after having several conversations today with a similar theme. I have said these very ones aloud or in my head at least once a day since this baclofen-dose-decrease business started in June.
My struggle to stay present through this process has been mentioned on more than one occasion, so it should come as no surprise that I want to skip right ahead to know what I don’t know, so that I can move forward better with that knowledge.
Of course, as I have also shared, it seems that I am moving forward quite well just the same. It is taking quite the concerted effort to do that. I have to remind myself and those who care about me that we do not know what is ahead as we continue the decreases.
Haven’t you ever wanted a warranty for a major purchase? Some guarantee that what you were starting would still be there down the road?
A contract for a work project? Knowledge of upward mobility, bonuses, raises, etc., when you started a new job?
Or some sign when you entered into a new relationship that it was going to move to the next level or that it would last? Perhaps rushing through the ‘getting to know you’ phase and ruining the whole thing before it got started?
Reminding myself to be ok with the slowness of the decreases has been easier since I have seen that what I am doing to rehabilitate each week is making a difference.
It still takes a lot of effort to remember that it is what it is and to be motivated to do those exercises.
Not knowing each week what my level of physical functioning will be after each decrease hasn’t gotten that much easier, however. This takes even more effort. It will be what it is and I will rehab what I can for whatever that is.
I can only do as much as I can right now to keep myself emotionally and physically grounded enough today, so that I can deal with whatever comes in the next moment.
No matter how much of a guarantee, warranty or measure of security I can get at one time, it is always likely to change.
A company you start to work for may not be as viable next week or next year. That washer you bought with the great reviews and one-year warranty, might stop working on day 367. I don’t think crystal balls even come with a warranty, do they?
I have no more guarantee about my physical functioning next week than you do about how well the coffee maker you bought yesterday will work next week. [I do hope it works well for you, though.]
There is no rush. I don’t need this to hurry up. I am moving forward right now, no matter what happens next.
- Seriously?! I forgot?! (thetawny.wordpress.com)
- Please Don’t Water My Seeds (thetawny.wordpress.com)
- Dogs, Babies and Baclofen (thetawny.wordpress.com)