After a weekend full of fun, friends, sand, water and way too much sun, I almost hate to mention that I am anxious to go below that 50% point tomorrow morning. That is my reality as make my way into another week, however, and into another decrease in baclofen in my pump.
The anxiety is nothing like the previous weeks, but it is impossible for me at this point to not consider it as I plan my week. I do very well with the anxiety during my waking hours lately, but it is at night that the high level of stress seems to be clear.
According to my dentist, I continue to have tooth pain because I am somehow grinding several of them out-of-place. He said, “You will grind these right out of your head. Have you been under more stress or in more pain lately?”
I do wear a bite guard at night and often even when I am working from home during the day, so I was a bit freaked out to learn this a few weeks ago.
I can only continue to hope, as I have mentioned before, that how I deal with things in my waking time will spill over into my non-waking time. While I do have a lot on my plate, I do not feel stressed or overwhelmed most of the time.
Some of the time, absolutely, but most of the time I do not. I consider that a win.
Starting a week filled with love and gratitude definitely helps. I do not expect to not have thoughts about the dose decreases in the back of my mind as I plan my week. I think I might be worried about someone who didn’t.
As long as I can keep my mind more focused on what I have been able to do since we started the dose decreases, and not on the ‘what if’ scenarios, I consider that positive.
I am determined to see the other side of this stronger—emotionally, spiritually, perhaps even physically—than I was going into it. In order to do that, I have to stay focused and motivated to do whatever I need to do to help toward that end.
Whether that is my exercises, the pool, the stationary bike, or it is laughing so hard I embarrass my friends in public because I find something ridiculously hilarious.
Laughing, having fun, spending quality time with people I care about are all a part of the master plan. Combining all of that with some physical therapy activity is even better.
That is what my weekend played out to include, and I couldn’t have planned it better. It feels amazing to start the week with that as my most recent memory.
Anxious or not—asleep or awake—I hold those memories from the weekend close as I head into the week of more unknowns. I have my big girl panties to break out if I need them and still have a tower of toilet paper, so I feel ready.
It seems funny (ironic, not ha ha so much) to say this because my week ahead isn’t any less unpredictable than your week ahead.
Do you have a favorite memory from the weekend that you will take with you into your week?