Jumping and high-pitched barking started the moment Zeke walked in the door. For nearly three months, the big black dogs haven’t seen their best blonde dog friend. Yesterday, they did.
They were running through the house vying for who would get the most sniffs, so we opened the back door so they could continue. At that very moment, thunder struck and rain drops fell hard on the tin patio roof. My dogs stopped, ears back, tails tucked, and retreated back into the house to their respective safe spots. For them the world had stopped until the storm passed, even though Zeke was still here with his human mom unaffected by the storm.
In the moment the boom of thunder stopped the world for my dogs, I started thinking about how I used to view not having the intrathecal baclofen treatment. I thought my world would stop turning when the baclofen stopped flowing.
Last Tuesday, all baclofen stopped flowing into my spinal fluid. My world didn’t stop. I didn’t let the old fear of that happening keep my world from stopping as I have anticipated the baclofen’s end.
The world didn’t end last week. It won’t end Thursday when the pump is surgically removed. You couldn’t have told me that in 2010 or 2011. I wasn’t there yet. If you had told me that my world would expand instead, I wouldn’t have believed you either. It is still hard for me to wrap my head around.
It has expanded. My support network has expanded. I have the best friends in all the land, and they are the best cheerleaders any one person could imagine having. I feel the love. I really feel the love.
I have grown, and my understanding of what I can do to manage this illness has expanded.
I believe my world expanded because I didn’t allow fear to dictate my next move. I can’t say that I am still not scared of what is to come, but I can say that I chose to keep moving toward that anyway.
The surgery to remove the pump Thursday isn’t a big deal as far as procedures go for my doctor. It is a big deal in the scheme of my life, however. It marks the end of an era. It marks the beginning of something else to be determined.
I wonder what emotional surprises await me this week, and set the intention of allowing myself to experience them for what they are and letting them go. I am feeling pretty grounded to begin the week, but like my big black dogs, I am not convinced that this storm is really over.
- “The pump is now off.” (thetawny.wordpress.com)
- Sum It Up Sunday #10 (thetawny.wordpress.com)
- Sum-Up Sunday #9 (wow) (thetawny.wordpress.com)
- The Ever-Evolving Plan (thetawny.wordpress.com)
- Sweet Sum-up Sunday #5 (thetawny.wordpress.com)
- 90% is an A: PLS, Clonus and Spasticity (thetawny.wordpress.com)
- Seriously?! I forgot?! (thetawny.wordpress.com)
- Crap! (thetawny.wordpress.com)