I’m Seeing Blue

It seems I have a bit of the blues. Not the holiday blues exactly, even though it is the holidays.

Admitting that might not seem like big deal to you, but for me apparently it is. I’m sure I’m fine, and that everything else is fine, but at the moment, I find that hard to believe.  I still joke and laugh and smile, but it is all filtered through blue.

There’s nothing really happening that will not work itself out in time, and I am exerting a lot of energy in attempting to convince myself of just that. It’s kind of working. Well, much of the time it’s working, anyway.

If you’ve been reading my blog for any length of time, you may have noticed that I made a menu topic for depression. I tend to go through bouts of it. I’m only eager to admit it when I’m not experiencing it.

Last week, I shared with you an e-mail that I sent to myself. I was, and am, trying not to panic about the fast approaching end of my health coverage. Since then, I’ve made a regular habit of e-mailing myself thoughts to counter the thoughts swirling around in my mind.

If you have never seen yourself e-mails or text messages to help keep perspective, I highly recommend it as a coping strategy.

Not admitting that I have had the blues in recent weeks, has given me sort of a writer’s block. Since I didn’t want to share that, and that is what has been going on, I didn’t have anything to say.

I decided to break that pattern of denial today. I did say that I was sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly in this process of dealing with a chronic, progressive illness.