“So, what happens next?” she asked.
“Well, I reckon whatever I want to have happen next will happen next.” I replied.
It was a Christmas party, and I wasn’t sure asking what happens next with my illness was the most appropriate question. Just the same, I also have no real answer to such a question.
My answer came without much consideration, and quite honestly, was an attempt to be evasive about the topic altogether.
I have since thought a lot about my answer. I hear myself saying it over and over in my mind.
What I was saying was that I feel empowered to create for my life whatever it is that I wish to create. It will look like what I want it to look like from here. I believe that it is possible to do so.
I found myself more appreciative of the question the more I thought about it. It is quite simple, really.
I have thought long and hard about what I do want to happen next. I can visualize some of it in my mind, but I am still working on the rest of it.
What I want to happen next is much the same of what is happening now in terms of mobility, functioning, symptom management, etc. I believe I can improve on where I am now and will be continuing to work toward that end.
My illness and symptom management are really only one piece of the overall picture when it comes to my life. The last few years have highlighted that piece because of the problems I was having with my baclofen pumps and my own fear of what life would look like without one.
It is certainly not what I want to see for the year ahead. I want it to be the backstory to whatever else is going on in my world, as much as possible. I am just not quite there yet because I am still adjusting to having symptoms again and trying to figure out how to manage those.
The fact that I got the flu and struggled to get rid of it, tells me that I wasn’t tending to my own needs leading up to the flu. That isn’t what I want. I want to be as optimal as possible when I leave my house, so I have to figure that level of activity out.
What happens next will be what I want to have happen next. The universe has my back on that and it is time that I trust my body, the universe and myself through the adjustment process.
What happens next for you? What do you want to happen next in your life? Do you feel empowered to make it happen?