In the wee hours of the morning, I awoke thinking about the decisions I make on a day-to-day basis. I was thinking about whether those enhance my ability to be the change I wish to see in the world.
On the whole, most of them did, but there were a few in particular that seemed to do more detracting from it. My only wish when I wake up in the mornings is to do the best I can to be the best I can at it, so that I can fall asleep with no regrets.
For me, making choices that are consistent with my truths is my sleep aid because I have found it to be the one thing I can do that helps me to sleep the most soundly.
I want to make a difference in a positive way in this life, but often my decisions might project the opposite. Sometimes I make passive choices that on the surface do not seem to be taking away from the good I wish to do, but in reality, they do. It may be that the only reason they do is because they are contrary to what I would normally do.
Passive choices might include a decision to stay quiet when speaking up is an appropriate option, or going along with behaviors under the guise of being accepting of another. I can be accepting of others without participating. I can stay quiet unless it involves my own well-being directly.
The problem with me and passive choices is that in the wee hours of the morning, they seem to catch up with me. I know me well enough, and am familiar enough with my truths, that I know when I am doing something that contradicts. Except that I wasn’t considering my relatively unconscious and more passive decisions, so it took nearly a week of wacky sleep patterns to see it clearly.
The clarity of the early morning hours was welcome today. I have been a bit wrenched up inside about something all week, and couldn’t find any clear connections. I talked about it often enough that I would have thought I would have stumbled upon it, but each night afterwards, my sleep continued to be interrupted.
While I now have this clarity, it also means that I have to make different decisions and probably ones that aren’t as passive or as simple.