“I get knocked down, but I get up again. You’re never gonna keep me down.”
Do you remember that song by Chumbawamba from the 1990’s? I didn’t really, or at least I didn’t think I did. Apparently, it was still in the recesses of my brain because it popped into my head this morning while I was brushing my teeth.
I had to look it up to know what decade and band, but had the primary tune and lyrics enough that I could brush my teeth to the beat.
I was thinking about the difference between my life circumstances just one month ago and today earlier this morning. I was marveling at how much more stable emotionally I feel than I did.
March 2014 really was one knock in the head after another, but today, it doesn’t seem as crazy as it was feeling as it was happening. I kept going forward and functioning no matter what, but it was hard to recover from one thing, before the next, and the next would happen.
In many ways, the events of March liberated me and empowered me. The events certainly reminded me that I am never likely to be down for long. Most of that is because I don’t like it there. My closest friends nor my dog are all that comfortable with me being there either.
Additionally, I am often in the midst of these types of events wondering to myself what I might learn from it and what opportunities it might actually pave the way for in the coming days or months. I received some validation for simplifying and then making plans based only on that simplified version of the plan.
I didn’t fight any part of anything that happened. Not because I was too tired or too apathetic. But because they were all circumstances out of my control that required me to let go instead. All of them left me at a fork in the road where I could have fought against the changes.
I decided my energy would be better spent developing a plan to move forward instead.
We can grieve while we move forward. We can still feel whatever we are feeling along the way as we move forward too. I didn’t fight the sadness and loss when it was time to let Amore go. I didn’t question any relief I might have also felt about it. I didn’t fight the fear or relief about choosing to let the fight with Medicare go. I went with it all.
It has taken me a couple of weeks to process all of it enough to see these things. Duke and I are the two musketeers now and really seem ok with that. We have established our own little routines and rituals that are different from the three musketeer days, and they are working for us.
I will catch you up on physical matters soon, I promise.