It has been a week of hyper-awareness since the freak out. I don’t think it was in a negative or harmful way, but more in a way of being more aware of how I do tend to take my body for granted sometimes.
It was a week of appreciating every movement made possible by the messages constantly sent from my brain and spinal cord to the muscles of each of my limbs. It was a week of understanding that failure to honor those can result in a failure of their proper function.
My left leg isn’t fully back to where it was before last weekend, although it is functional and I am upright and relatively stable standing without the aid of anything. The walker is indeed helpful with walking, but unlike earlier in the week, it is not the only way walking can occur.
The focus now is allowing my body to recover from its trauma. While it is doing that, I am figuring out how to keep those muscle groups that seized up a bit less tight. That may take a bit more effort on my part in keeping up with physical therapy types of things, and also may require more medication during the day than I have been willing up to this point to take.
There are several important tidbits worth sharing that came out of last weekend’s freak out experience. The first one is that no matter how bad it was, it did improve with rest and medication. That is an important one for me to keep in mind as I move forward. Previous memories did not turn out that quite that way.
The second tidbit is that I was able to share how I was feeling as soon as it was appropriate, and I asked for help as I needed it throughout the freak out period. Even if that meant being completely raw and open; oozing tears and snot; and making squeaking sounds for words, I did it. And I had no real discomfort doing it.
Finally, no matter how freaked out I was, my life did not come to a screeching halt as a result of a physical crisis. I worked Sunday on my classes as I usually do, and the only thing I did differently on Monday to work at the homeless program was park my car closer to my destination and stay put in the same general area, which is Duke’s preference these days too.
The world didn’t stop. Nor does it ever have to when this sort of thing happens. I am not delusional enough to think that it won’t happen again. I am already prepared for my legs to go wonky now and again. That is why the power wheelchair is in my office, and other plans are already in place.
I might not enjoy having to carry out the myriad of back up plans I made years ago, but they are there for that reason—so my world and my life continue to move forward regardless of if that it upright or sitting down with wheels.