I have had friends in the past insist I see a psychic, and I did once, but I never really wanted to. They needed to know what would happen next in their lives. I never wanted to know exactly what was next, nor did I really think any human could possibly know exactly anyway.
This morning I seemed to grasp a full understanding of why that might be. In my wildest imagination, I could not have created the life I have right now and surely no psychic could have predicted the nature of the twists and turns on the road that has brought me to here.
Not only are all my basic needs taken care of (rent, bills, food, etc.), but I find that there is extra to share. Ten years ago when I was spending Christmas at the Homeless Emergency Project contemplating death, assisted living or nursing home, I never could have dreamed that.
I have a wonderful support system both near and far made up of family, friends, and coworkers that I could never have imagined either. Even if I had made people from scratch to be those who are among my dearest and nearest, I could not have begun to do as well as those humans placed into my world.
Physically, I am doing far better than I ever hoped. Nine years ago, stuck in my wheelchair, I remember petting my dogs on the back patio, and saying out loud to them, “If this was as bad as it ever was, then I could live a good life in spite of it.” Never did I dream I would walk, run, bike, drive, etc.
I gave up on my work life when I filled out all of those icky forms that tell the government all the things I was unable to do. I was going to be happy enough if I could take care of the dogs and myself through the course of a day.
As I figured out how to do that, then I started volunteering for dog rescue and SPF, stumbled upon teaching college psychology online, and just kept getting involved in things I loved at HEP that ended up turning into paid jobs. Soon, I will three jobs I love (which incidentally is too many) so I actually have to stop doing as much teaching, so that I can serve more people with the other two at HEP.
My point here is that we cannot possibly get so attached to outcomes or what we think we want for our lives because that in itself is full of limitations. We cannot know what we have not experienced or found our way toward yet on our journey. We do not know what is possible.
None of the reasons for getting here have been things I would have chosen either, quite frankly. Signing up for an illness I thought would kill me early on, or for homelessness, or for a nursing home—well, who in their right mind would ever sign up for that madness?
I didn’t choose to sit within any of those situations long and belabor the fact that this wasn’t where my life was supposed to be. (That is not to say I didn’t sit for a bit.) I focused instead on figuring out ways to live happily within whatever the circumstances were, as present and as day-to-day as humanly possible, and tried to figure out what there was for me to learn.
I doubt a psychic could have seen the winding roads my story has taken me thus far, nor could they know where those lessons learned along the way might take me. I certainly couldn’t have imagined the other side of any of them looking anything like this! Rolling with the tide has not been easy along the way, but it sure has been well worth it so far!