When I hear, “Look how far you’ve come…” sometimes I hesitate to own it for some irrational fear of jinxing it. Sometimes, I think “Hell yeah, I have!” The rest of the time, I have a hard time wrapping my own mind around such a comparison, so I tend to dismiss it and redirect the focus to something else.
Because of the detour I had to take to make it to here, I often feel behind in what I intended to do here in this life. I feel a strange sense of urgency to hurry up to put new programs in place to make a bigger difference in the lives of others. Of course, I wouldn’t have a direction to do any of it were it not for the detour.
It is an interesting turn of events, really, and I am not sure I could fully explain just how passionately I feel about it. It has a life of its own, and I am not sure I could put the fire behind it out if I tried really hard.
So while I have difficulty wrapping my own mind around where I am now in comparison to where I was eleven years ago, I am also grateful on so many levels to have lost everything. Losing everything put the rest of the world around me into a perspective that I don’t know that I would have found otherwise. It reminded me that we don’t have an unlimited amount of time in this life to get busy doing something worthwhile.
Starting over, in retrospect, became an opportunity to create a life that I wanted, rather than one spent playing the hand I was dealt. The proverbial deck of cards was shuffled and I realized I was the dealer in this life. No matter what level of uncertainty or insecurity came with each day, I was the dealer, dammit, and this was my table. And I haven’t stopped because it really isn’t about how far I have come in the big picture.
It is more about each literal step I took to get here and the very many people who believed it could happen—and some of the ones who didn’t believe it because those were just as helpful each step of the way. Each step comes flashing back into memory each time someone says, “Look how far you’ve come…”
It didn’t happen magically. There is no mystery to how I got from there to here—not for me anyway. Did I have any clue just how well it would turn out? No, nor did it matter along the way. My persistence mattered, and I was simply determined to have a better quality of life than the day before. Each small change, each day-to-day choice, was made with only that in mind.
And today, I still make choices with that in mind. I know the more quality my life has, the better I can help others to make choices to do the same.
Today is day 24 of the writing challenge and this is my 401st post in the blog world!