It has been a year since you crossed over Rainbow Bridge, and I have done my best to honor your lessons and your legacy. I cannot lie and say that I didn’t spend some time feeling lost without you, but I did my best to keep moving forward no matter what was happening in my heart or in my world around me. I have off and on felt lost in the past year without your presence– in ways I cannot describe to humans who have not experienced their soul mate.
Your sister Ruby and I have bonded quite a bit since you’ve been gone, although she doesn’t seem to understand when I try to tell her about soul-mates. She has her own lessons to teach me and I have grown quite fond of her unique ways, as I try to discern exactly what those might be.
Some days, I am not sure I don’t need you to keep going. Some days, I am convinced that somehow you would know exactly what I should do next. Some days, I know you could help someone better than I can or even a whole team and I can. Other days, I feel confident that I am honoring everything you and your brother taught me over the years. Other days, I am encouraging those who knew you to do the same. Other days, I stay busy enough to not feel my heart aching quite as much.
At work, you are everywhere. A plaque hangs in the lobby and a stone hangs in your courtyard—both with your picture in remembrance of your service. Pictures of you are in my office and you will forever be in my Lightning Hero Award video. I started volunteering with Project PUP because you no longer can. Therapy dogs are at work nearly every day of the week because you cannot be.
I am certain I miss your presence more than anyone or anything else’s I have ever lost in this life so far. So much so, that I can hardly believe it on some of my bad days. I want you to know that I am doing my best to take care of your “guys” at work and encourage them to honor your service in the way that they treat themselves and others.
I trust that you and your brother are doing exactly what you most love to do over there, and I hope you have joined up with Maggie, Sadie, Zeus, and the many others you both helped to foster who have moved on from here.
It is the eve of the day set aside to give thanks. It is day 25 of the writing challenge. It is my sister friend’s birthday. It is a beautiful full moon. It is day 2 of my positive experimentation.
It is the second day in a row that I have seen one of my favorite toddler sisters. It is the day that will go down in history as having had the best-prepared collard greens EVER.
My experiment is going well so far and I have only had one instance where I struggled to find something positive about someone. I haven’t done that well in sharing the positives that I see, so I will work on that tomorrow. It is quite amazing how much good and how much common ground we can find when we are looking for it.
Today didn’t exactly go how my work calendar said it should, but it was a day to be grateful for just the same.
As the moon sets tomorrow morning, the sun rises, and we all prepare to spend time with family and friends, it is my hope that we can all celebrate one another for all the good we recognize in each other.
And that such love and gratitude can ripple out to those who will be struggling during this holiday because. May we all feel love and appreciated tomorrow (and every day).
The inspiration behind The Tawny making it 18 days in a row blogging has asked for a favor today.
It’s fortunate for me that it is a very simple request, since I was feeling a bit less than eager to post anything much tonight. So I have collected some things for her that I will also share with you! Happy 18th!
No matter what…
And really…you are loved!
I am one of the most blessed people for having so many wonderful humans in my world. While we all have our quirks and issues as we make our ways on our journey, I love that we seem to see the strengths in each other much of the time.
One such human recently completed a tribute to “my boys” because he seemed to “get” the unshakeable bond I had with each of them (and both of them at the same time). Even though he is a University of Kentucky basketball fan and I am a Duke University basketball fan, we have been peaceful neighbors in Dorkville. Yes, it can be done.
Another wonderful human reminded me today that nothing stays the same in this life, so we end eras and start eras just as we start brand new days, weeks and years. None of them the same as the one before and each bringing with it challenges and triumphs. Don’t buy into the idea that change is scary. Buy into the fact that it simply is what it is and we move through it with love.
The era that spanned 14 years with “my boys” has ended. And in the same week I realized that I had moved a bit forward from the losses (like for real), his tribute was ready to share with me.
Enjoy it and be sure to send him his props as he is quite talented!
Incidentally, I clearly thought yesterday was the 16th, so here is to another Day 16 of
Unless you live in a bubble, it is hard not to avoid attempts to make some sense of the world around us.
We are inundated with so much each day and with so many things that simply evade logical or rational explanations.
Not everything in this life makes sense. Not everything that happens in this life is fair. But we can certainly grow and learn from all of it in one way or another.
What is more important than making sense of things that make no sense, however, is what happens next.
What we choose to do or not to do after we hear of something tragic, experience something traumatic, or simply experience consequences of our actions is what matters the most.
Experiences and events around us change us. How we move forward with those changes determine whether the change is ultimately positive or negative.
Today I imagine that the people of Paris are feeling much like we did on 9/11. I remember being so full of fear. I remember fear dictating just about everything for many months, in fact, so my heart goes out to all of us as we relive our 9/11 experience along with the people of France today.
Out of that trauma and fear for me came great changes. Shortly after, I moved to be closer to family and I had a clearer idea of what was truly important in my life. I have spent a great deal of effort in my life to move farther away from fear and closer to love since then.
Stand tall, remember there is still love even when there is so much fear in the forefront today.
Day 14 sending love to all.
What Would Duke Do?
Several weeks back, no matter where I was turning, there was a barrier. Some of the barriers were biting and hurtful. I couldn’t help but think that if Duke were here, I would feel better and figure out how best to move over, through, above or around the barriers.
I asked myself daily WWDD? The answer was always that he would be love. He would love so much that no one around him could feel anything other than special. Everyone would feel his/her ability to rise to any occasion. He would remind me that hurtful, biting, stinging things thrown in my direction were merely evidence that someone needed some extra love sent their way.
His love for me would then allow me to have the strength to do just that—to be love.
Sometimes it doesn’t come as easily as believing in rainbows. Fear and ego serves no real purpose on the mission. The mission to be the change essentially is to be love and fear and ego only serve to block the way forward.
I haven’t yet let go of the notion that if Duke were sleeping in the next room because he was my center of gravity. He was my go-to guru on all things.
He could always figure out some magical dog antic way to make me let go of whatever it was I was holding onto so tightly.
Since June, I have actually had to find it and maintain it on my own. He taught me how to do it independent of him, after all. It just isn’t always that easy.
Duke would certainly always be love and I will do my best to follow his lead.
Day 12 and really happy to be back in the routine of writing everyday! Go Team Pepper 2015!